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Transcription:Frat on Snake Mountain
(Skeletor, Beast Man and Evil-Lyn are returning to their lair covered in bandages and bruises.) Beast Man: I think we almost won today. Good effort- Skeletor: Oh, shut up, Beast Man! He-Man put his heel right in my balls! Did a fucking pirouette. I can still feel them unwinding. What?! (Skeletor notices that his lair is foreclosed. Cut to Skeletor talking to an accountant.) Accountant: Well, I'm sorry Choppers. But your adjustable rate mortgage came due. Skeletor: But-but-but-but-but this loan payment is astronomical! You never told me that I would- Accountant: It's called "Fine print," Chuckles. Maybe you need some eyeballs instead of those eye...holes. Skeletor: Oh, I'll get the money when I crush He-Man once- Accountant: Bud, lie to me, but don't lie to yourself; you're really gonna crush He-Man by the fifteenth of this month? Skeletor: Yeah.....Well... Accountant: That property is, what, 12,000 square feet? Duplex that bitch! (Cut to Skeletor in front of his evil lair with a group of frat boys. His lair now has the symbol for the Kappa Omega Kappa fraternity and the head frat is signing the contract. The other frat boys are moving a beer keg and a naked sex doll into the lair.) Skeletor: Okay! Well, rent's due on the first of the month and I will hold your security deposit in- Head Frat: Dude, I never got a security deposit back in my life! (The head frat tosses the contract and Skeletor catches it.) Skeletor: What? Head Frat: Bros, our landlord is Jack Skellington! (The frats cheer. Cut to Skeletor trying to read the paper with loud music blaring in the backround. Several loud crashes are heard and startles Skeletor until he drops his paper.) Skeletor: Aw, dammit! (Panthor comes up to Skeletor and has the words I Heart Cocks! written on his side) Skeletor: What the- Panthor! (Skeletor enters the room with the frat boys and dodges a bottle of whiskey. A frat with a toga rushes by. Two frats are having a frat drink out of the beer keg upside down. A frat and a girl are making out and one frat sitting next to them touches the frat's leg with his finger. Skeletor walks up to the head frat who's stirring something in a magic cauldron with a stick.) Skeletor: Hey, douche bag! Turn this crap down! Head Frat: How do you hear music with no ears? Skeletor: Magic, asshole! (The head frat pulls out Skeletor's Havoc Staff from the cauldron and starts licking it like a lollipop.) Skeletor: Is that my Havoc Staff?! (Skeletor takes the Havoc Staff from the head frat.) Skeletor: This is a mystical artifact! You can't just- (The Havoc Staff vomits into Skeletor's face and some of the vomit goes into his eyeholes.) Skeletor: Right...into...my...eyeholes. Head Frat: Ha, Skellington! You are always grinning, man. Skeletor: I'm not grinning! I'm FURIOUS! Absolutely furious! Head Frat: Naw, you grinning, man. You here to party. Skeletor: No! I'm here to...tell you there's a rival frat that's totally talking crap all about you, man. Head Frat: Say what?! (The music stops and all of the frats turn to Skeletor. One frat burps after drinking out of a trophy. The frats all approach Skeletor.) Skeletor: Yep. They say you're not the number one frat at Eternia Tech anymore. Head Frat: The hell we aren't! We'll show those ''assholes! ''(All the frats cheer. Cut to the frats egging Castle Greyskull.) Head Frat: Who's the number one frat now, retards?! (He-Man and Teela are looking at the frats from a tower in Castle Greyskull. An egg lands on He-Man's face.) He-Man: We'll be right down. (Cut to He-Man, Teela and Man-At-Arms beating the crap out of the frats and killing them. Cut to Skeletor reading the newspaper in the accountant's office with the head article Fraternity Corpses Turn Up in River. Skeletor sighs happily.) Accountant: You're still overdue on that mortgage, Smurfy. Skeletor: Oh, uh, I've got a solution to that, too. (Skeletor removes one of his straps seductively.) Accountant: What are you doing?! Skeletor: Oh, I don't know. (Skeletor removes his other strap.) Skeletor: What am ''I doing? Accountant: Mr. Skeletor! I don't know what you're suggesting but- ''(Whispering) Close the door. (Cut to outside the accountant's office and Skeletor closes the door.) Accountant: No teeth, okay? Skeletor: Yeah. Good luck with that. (Sketch ends) Category:Transcriptions